Textiquette

Although I have been aware of it for some time, something has come to my attention in the last couple of months that merits discussion: the sms. Or, more appropriately, sms civility – textual education, if you will.

The reason this thorny little problem comes to mind arises from a friend of mine whose last-minute escapades with university freshers saw him firing off these 150 character bomb-shells like they were going out of fashion. Desperate for replies, the occasional flicker of hope drifted in like a rudderless ship but with no conviction. However, on occasion, a promising “we should do something” would appear and the balance was seemingly restored.

Unfortunately, said friend’s over-eager joy led to an immediate reply that was not so immediately returned. In short, he was given the textual cold shoulder.

The dilemma he then faced however, was not “How do I get over this crushing blow?”, but rather, “She hasn’t texted back – maybe she’s just forgotten. Should I text her to remind her of my existence?”

Clearly, as outside observer we can all see what’s going on here. So as to not let down the hero of our amorous narrative, female textee has let him down gently, potentially promising a reply only to feign amnesiac foolishness. This kind-spirited gesture, well-intentioned as it was, has nevertheless gone amiss, such that our protagonist is both disillusioned and tortured by the own Sisyphean lack of either crushing rejection or joyous satisfaction.

A familiar tale.

Now, even more unfortunately, I now sit facing the same potential problem. “What?” I hear you cry, “it’s obvious – she’s just not texting you, she doesn’t care!” “Silence!” I retaliate, “She texted me first and said she’d get in touch to organise something lovely! How dare you?!”

The saga continues.

And here’s the thing, delusion is a powerful bastard. Who wouldn’t rather believe that their beloved has potentially forgotten to reply, mislaid their phone, casually sworn to forsake facebook for a month or even died rather than not get in touch? And in fairness, it’s easier. They’re not present via the digital medium, therefore they’re probably just not around in real life either. A far more pleasant reality than the one in which they have simply decided not to include you in theirs.

The point being therefore, that communication media makes this delusion a lot easier to swallow. And it’s not just texting, facebook and all the other things us kids get up to. Think about it: the unanswered letters, the complaining sonnet of the unrequited lover, portraits of imaginary lovers. There’s probably an entire section of the Lascaux  Caves somewhere filled with troglodyte scribbles all of which represent Neanderthal longings and rejection.

The truth is then, we’ve always turned to some sort of expressive vehicle to get our message across in a way that could hopefully soften the whole experience. Far easier to post an anonymously written love letter to your darling than walk up to her and say, “Hey, I quite like you” – even if the latter is probably more effective and, ultimately less embarrassing. In short, media do just that. They mediate. The bastards…